Having Trouble Reaching Orgasm?

Are you having trouble reaching orgasm? A lot of young women are worried about their lack of ability to climax. But the fact is, unlike males, most females have to learn to reach orgasm. But to understand more about the female orgasm, let's go back to the start of a woman's sexual life. Research shows that most younger women do not manage to climax until some considerable time after they have started sexual activity. Moreover, when they do 'come' for the very first time, they do so in a variety of ways.

In a survey we conducted for the book The Big 'O', they found that:

• 47 per cent climaxed for the first time through masturbation
• 32 per cent through sexual intercourse
• 20 per cent through petting
• 1 per cent while sleeping. 

In the same survey, they found that the most common age of first orgasm was 18, but that it could also be as late as the 40s! 

These days, most sex therapists believe that if you can't climax (or don't climax easily), it's a good idea to start by practicing on your own. This may seem obvious, but many women, even today, feel inhibited about self-love and can't help feeling that it isn't something they should be doing. But masturbating helps you to learn exactly which pressures and rhythms you need in order to bring you to orgasm. So, it can be really useful.

You may also find it helpful to watch some sort of sex-education DVD, such as Betty Dodson's Selfloving. Once you have learned to climax easily on your own, you can then show your partner exactly what you need in order to make you come. Of course, this may feel embarrassing at first. But the first step in fulfillment with a partner is to communicate your feelings to him or her and also to communicate how you like your body to be touched.

Some women, incidentally, find achieving orgasm much easier with the help of a vibrator. And nowadays there are several excellent online mail order businesses, run by women for women, which sell good quality sex aids that really work. They also sell lingerie, erotic literature and lubrication. Sex Toys at Babeland

How Can Men Help?

• Remember that most women need stimulation of the clitoris. This is the part of them that would have turned into a penis, had they developed as males – and it's just as important to women as the penis is to a man.
• Remember that love, romance, cuddling and a good atmosphere turn women on in the early stages of a sex session – just as much as your caresses do.
• Take your time.
• Caress her breasts – a few women learn to climax through breast fondling alone.
• Give her oral sex. Most women adore this and some claim that they cannot come unless a man 'goes down' on them.
• Don't be too proud to ask her to show you what she wants.
• Don't hesitate to use a vibrator, if she likes the idea. The new 'tongue vibrators' may be helpful.
• Have some sex sessions, where you encourage her to take the initiative and to decide the agenda.
• If you lose control and come before her, do try to summon some energy to kiss and stimulate her, so that she can climax too.
• Do tell her that she's marvellous, sexy and beautiful.

Some women experience a particularly intense orgasm when that part of their anatomy is stimulated (you can find the G-spot inside you, on the front vaginal wall). Indeed, many women who enjoy having their G-spots touched claim that they ejaculate during these intense orgasms.

Having an orgasm is a lovely feeling. You're entitled to it. But it's not easy to do if you're uptight, tired, stressed or unhappy in your relationship. The important thing is that you should be having good, reliable orgasms whenever you want them – and you should be enjoying them.